How to Write Realistic Dialogue: Drafting and Editing

Anyone can write dialogue, but how to write realistic dialogue is a more difficult task. With all storytelling, I believe each writer has talents in some areas more than others.

Some writers can have amazing description and insanely cool plot ideas, but struggle with penning dialogue. Another writer could write realistic dialogue without a hitch, but freeze when confronted with planning and describing story settings.

The point is every writer has their strengths and weakness, but to be a powerful writer we need to try and be moderately to highly skilled in every aspect of storytelling, especially in today’s competitive market. 

Plus, reading superb dialogue is just plain fun. We’re going to start off with a little exploration into the importance of dialogue, and then move on to how to write realistic dialogue. So, stay with me. 

Why is Dialogue Important? 

I believe dialogue is one of the most important aspects of story writing there is, because it touches on description, plot development, character change, and the general feel of a story all at once. 

Dialogue is a powerful tool for a writer, yet difficult to execute well. 

Have you ever read a book with terrible dialogue?

If not, I’m going to be brutally honest and tell you to go back and read some of the first stories you penned. Most likely the dialogue was rough unless you are a wickedly talented dialogist. 

A story with poor dialogue is painful to read (you may even experience a physical compulsion like a cringe). It immediately rips you from the story world and back to the black print on cream paper. 

To give your reader a succinct and immersive experience, mastering the art of realistic dialogue will get you a lot of credit to ride. 

How to Immerse Your Readers 

If you want to immerse your readers in your character’s conversations, then you must become immersed first. Before you even start writing, close your eyes and imagine your character’s encounter. 

Ask these questions: 

1. What emotions are playing within each participant of this conversation? 
2. What are they thinking at this moment? How do their thoughts effect what they are saying and how they are saying it?
3. What’s their body language? 
4. How do their eyes look? 
5. Where are they? What is around them that they could interact with? 
6. What words are being said? 

To get these answers, imagine this scene as if you were watching from the sidelines (dropped onto the set and invisible to the characters), or as one of the characters themselves. Whatever works for you. 

Then see what flows from the scene. 

True, some scenes are harder to imagine. When you come across a difficult scene, don’t dispare. Do your best, and then edit with the guidelines written below. 

Bonus Trick: 

If acting out your dialogue helps you to find the natural words to write, embrace it. Don’t feel embarrassed about talking out loud to yourself, or raising your voice at a person only you can see. 

We’re writers—sometimes we do crazy things for our stories. 

So play out how you feel the scene would go and notice what hand motions you use, where you accentuate words, where you pause, and where the emotions break through your voice. 

Sometimes hearing the words out loud will give you a better idea of what the opposite character should say next. 

If your dialogue does start to flow, ride the high for as long as you can. It’s an amazing feeling and can produce some of the best dialogue. 

If dialogue isn’t flowing and you need to craft it piece by piece, or if you’re ready to edit your already written dialogue to make it more realistic, read on. 

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Yes, You Can Write Dialogue That is Too Realistic…

If you listen to and pick apart any real human interaction, most likely you’ll hear some atrocious grammar. 

When speaking we use run-on sentences and incomplete sentences. We even trail off and forget our thought process before restarting our statement again. Our speech is often messy, confusing, and even hard to follow. 

Unless you have a reason why your character forgot what they were saying, or why they were speaking in circles, your readers will get frustrated. 

Each piece of dialogue must have a purpose and be intentional. Don’t muddle your reader’s experience for the sole sake of being “real-to-life.” Yes, we want dialogue to be realistic, but not distracting. If a word is going to take up space on the page, it must mean something to your characters or reveal something to your readers.

What I mean when I say “write realistic dialogue,” is that it must sound like a real, unique individual is speaking, but in an understandable, grammatical, and concise way. Yes, there are exceptions to the rule, but there needs to be a reason for the exception. 

In conclusion, there will be a difference in how realistic dialogue sounds on the page to how we actually speak. The goal is for us to know that, but the reader to not notice the difference. 

Pro Tip:

Start paying attention to how good dialogue is written in books. You can also turn on the subtitles to your favorite TV shows to notice how the scriptwriters have written realistic dialogue. 

My Pet Peeves…

There are some ways writers write dialogue that really bug me. To be perfectly honest, I probably do the same from time to time. Nevertheless, they still bug me. 

1. Too much information…

Dialogue is a great way to pass along information to readers, but to an extent. When a writer begins passing along information through dialogue because it is convenient instead of sticking to what the character would actually say, then cue cringe. 

Please don’t info dump in dialogue. Don’t add an abundance of specific details a normal person would not feel the need to share in conversation. 

Also, keep in mind the opposing character your speaker is addressing. Sure the reader needs to know this information, but does the listener need to know, or worse yet, would they already know those details? 

If adding information in dialogue doesn’t hold back the flow and realistic impression, then go for it. Otherwise, find another way to let the reader in the loop. 

2. Clichéd phrases…

Another pet peeve of mine is using clichéd phrases, especially based off a stereotype. 

For example, I was reading a new political and assassination thriller where the president of the United States was talking like he was in an old espionage movie. It physically hurt me to read him speaking. I wanted to skim over the words and skip to the next scene. 

So, keep in mind who is speaking—their background, their age, place of birth, era (if you are writing a historical romance, time travel novel, etc.), and all those details that influence how a person talks. Would they really talk like this, or is this your preconception of how someone in this position would talk, or how you think this genre should sound?

(Maybe I’m wrong, and the president in that book was supposed to sound that way for some reason that I missed. But either way, it’s not my cup of tea.)

How to Write Personalized Dialogue for Your Characters

Everyone has speech patterns and phrases they repeat on habit. 

Take you, for instance.

• When do you swear, and what swear words do you use? Why?
• Is there a proverb that a parent or mentor has repeated to you for years? Have you adopted it?
• Does your friend usually say, “Sure,” “Yes,” “Yeah,” or “Alright” as a positive response to a question? 

Start noticing what words and phrases your family, friends, and coworkers repeatedly say to get a better idea of this habit. Notice what you say too. 

People have a unique way of conveying information as well. Some people are blunt, others take a round-a-bout approach, some avoid, and yet others try to manipulate you into responding how they would like. 

Take all these factors into consideration when you write and edit dialogue. Personalize what characters say and how they say it in your dialogue to give it that realistic and authentic sound. 

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Write Action with Dialogue

To create a truly immersive experience for the reader, I prefer to cut away as many dialogue tags as I can.

I still use some he said and she said tags, but when I direct who is speaking by hand gestures, shaking of heads, and even thoughts, I like the effect better, personally. 

I feel it allows the reader to dive deeper in their experience of the scene. 

Also, involving too many he said’s can annoy the reader. When it’s clear who is speaking, you don’t even need to employ a tag—a “said” or action—to clarify. Be smart, frugal, and intentional with your directions and tags. 

Another bonus of involving action in dialogue, is its ability to strengthen your characters’ words. 

Maybe a fist slamming on a desk will drive home your character’s anger. A taught face could betray someone’s true feelings while declaring they have forgiven their friend for lying. A break of eye contact could signal to a police interrogator that the suspect is lying about their whereabouts on the night in question. 

Actions help you show emotions and facts without having to tell your reader outright or weasel the facts into the dialogue. Don’t tell the reader what your character is feeling, show them. 

When Do You Know You’re Done? 

Wow…we have covered a lot in this blog post. With all this information, how do we know when the dialogue is good and we should stop fiddling with it?

My rule is scientific and fact-based: Stop when it feels right. LOL

If I read a piece of dialogue and it feels forced, fake, or something just feels “off,” I know my job is not done. Sometimes that means I need to keep working on it, other times I need to get an objective opinion on the passage. 

But when I read dialogue that flows, it just feels right. When I get a satisfied feeling inside my chest, I know it’s right. Sure, it may need a few tweaks here and there from an objective editor, but the content and structure is good. 

Trust your storytelling instinct.

If dialogue is something you struggle with, simply do your best and then hand it off to a beta-reader and/or editor so they can tell you how you did. That’s the only way to get better. 

You’ll Get Compliments in No Time

One of the proudest moments of my writing career early on was a compliment about my dialogue. I remember my first positive comment on my dialogue for a short story I’d entered—it felt so good. 

But before I could get that great remark, I did a lot of research and practice. My first stories were far from great in the dialogue area. 

So keep practicing, apply these techniques, and keep studying the subject. 

Is there a passage of dialogue in your current work-in-progress you’ve yet to write or need to edit? Take fifteen minutes to write or edit, applying these techniques on how to write realistic dialogue, then drop a short section of your writing in the comments below! (If you don’t have time right now, plan a time to do it later this week.)