Confessions of an Imperfect Writer, Trying to Keep a Perfect Image

The Beauty of Imperfection. . .

I don’t think it is uncommon to pretend life is better than reality in front of others—in fact, I think it’s common. 

I’m not referring only to the circumstances of our lives, but I’m speaking of the failures and imperfections we don’t like to admit to even ourselves. It does our pride good to look better than the person next to us—than the writer next to us. 

Which is why I am confessing this as one of my greatest faults. I have dreams, and I encourage others to go after their dreams, but I am scared to go after my own. The blogposts I write are actually the messages I need. 

Laying this truth open may make some believe I’m not worth following, because I clearly don’t have it together. I procrastinate, fear moving forward, and at times I don’t even want to write, all while encouraging writers to do the opposite.  

By this I am an Imperfect Writer. I am an imperfect human. 

The Imperfect Journey

Two times a year I become very reflective, and the first of these two anniversaries is coming up in two days. It’s no doubt this is the reason for my need to write this post today, because it is at these two anniversaries when I am most vulnerable. 

The anniversaries are the two surgeries I had in 2015, of which the second I became serious about writing. These two times of year are hard because I remember the trauma that caused change in my life, and I end up reflecting on all the change that came after these events. 

After every reflection I come away with this regret—I wish the focus and commitment I had for writing then was kept consistent to now. I amaze myself on how much follow-through I had then, and while my method for keeping focused did come with some mental health trauma later, I still wish I could replicate that time. 

But since then I have been scared, distracted, and less motivated than I wish. I keep trying to rekindle that fierce fire, but who I am now is not who I was then, and who I am I’m still trying to figure out. 

My journey has been imperfect, and while I would give grace to anyone in my position, I am my worst critic. I am an Imperfect Writer trying to figure out how to build a life I love, just like every other writer in the world. 

I force myself to remember a Journey is not meant to be Perfect. If it were, what would we learn? How would we grow? An Imperfect Journey is the reality of our lives, and an Imperfect Journey produces beauty in the end, though it may look ugly to us in the present. 

Beauty in Imperfection

Last week I met with a writer friend I hadn’t seen in over a year. We spent the afternoon in Seattle, and as I was traveling to the city I was nervous I wouldn’t appear to be the writer I wish I was without lying. 

When we did connect in the roaring bustle of Pikes Place Market, somehow the importance of being honest about my imperfections outweighed the desire of appearing to be a Perfect Writer. Instead of covering up my imperfections, I laid them open, accepting them as my faults. 

I was uncertain of the outcome, but it wasn’t long till I realized I wasn’t being judged, but was talking to someone with the same troubles as myself. While not everyone has the same struggles as another, we all share a lot in common. And as we both were honest about our imperfect journeys, a connection and friendship was formed that was stronger than anything built under a false image. 

I have dreams and goals of where I want to be, but I am not there yet, and that fact is hard to accept. We want to be the best and have a writing life we rock and readers who adore what we write. 

But this is not me—at least not yet. 

I’m an Imperfect Writer. A Perfect Writer is not a human writer, but an ideal for us to strive towards.  

And yes, some writers will look down on you for your imperfections, but the writers you want to be in community with are ones humble enough to admit their imperfections. We find community not when we are perfect, but when our imperfections allow us to lean upon one another. 

In this way, imperfection is beautiful. 

Imperfect vs. Perfect

I am an Imperfect Writer. I fail at writing every single day, and choose to distract myself rather than writing. I fear moving forward, and doubt myself and abilities everyday. 

But imperfection is not a writer’s worst enemy. What’s worse is a writer too proud to acknowledge their imperfections and failures, because they cannot be helped. 

It takes Patience and Honesty to work for the Perfect Image when you are an Imperfect Writer. It takes strength we sometimes don’t have but must lean on others for. It takes admitting your faults, and letting yourself accept them, trying to do better in the future. 

Because Imperfect Writers aren’t content with being imperfect. We strive to be better, but at the end of the day when we are still Imperfect, we find imperfection isn’t so rare that of it we should be ashamed. 

Hold your head high and proclaim your status as an Imperfect Writer. If you have that strength, then you have the strength to keep improving more than a Perfect Image could allow. 

Featured photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash